hey @habibmarwan, @ModernJackBauer is now following you on twitter!

with the news that 24 is goin full Tony Almeida and coming back from the dead, my friend victor and i found ourselves debating an aging jack bauer's ability to effectively prevent terror attacks in a post-post-9/11 world. a conversation that quickly devolved into coming up with scenarios in which Jack struggles to understand things like angry birds. Here's what we came up with.

1:59:37 PM Victor: "chloe, i have the guy right here. I'm moving in."

1:59:41 PM Victor: "wait, jack! reddit is saying it's someone else"

1:59:46 PM Victor: "chloe! get reddit on the phone now. i need to move."

1:59:49 PM Victor: "but reddit's not a person, jack!"

1:59:57 PM Victor: "dammit!!"

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2:00:12 PM Nathan: "sending you a photo of the suspect now, jack"

2:00:23 PM Nathan: "chole, whatever you just sent me disappeared after 3 seconds!"

2:00:26 PM Nathan: "damnit!!!"

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2:10:38 PM Victor: "alright jack what i need you to do is take a panorama of the warehouse"

2:10:50 PM Victor: "how do i do that?!"

2:10:58 PM Victor: "press the button at the top!"

2:11:06 PM Victor: "it doesnt say panorama!!"

2:11:14 PM Victor: "you need to update your software!!"

2:11:17 PM Victor: "dammit!!!"

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2:12:55 PM Nathan: "jack the terrorist just answered  a question on quora 'why do people hate the united states?'. here's a link"

2:13:23 PM Nathan: "it's asking me to login with facebook to read the whole answer!!"

2:13:26 PM Nathan: "damnit!!"

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2:12:09 PM Victor: "jack the terrorist just posted a video on youtube heres the link"

2:12:20 PM Victor: "chloe this is a video for some dumb movie coming out this summer!"

2:12:25 PM Victor: "jack thats an ad!"

2:12:28 PM Victor: "dammit!!"

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5:48:19 PM Nathan: "damnit chloe, i think i took your phone by mistake and now it's asking me for a password. what's your password, chloe!"

5:48:49 PM Nathan: "oh… jack,…. i'm not really comfortable telling you"

5:49:18 PM Nathan: "chloe, this is a matter of national security. i need your password now."

5:49:26 PM Nathan: "fine, jack, it's…..E-D-G-A-R"

5:50:48 PM Nathan:  "damnit!!!"

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the Apatow dip and why it's so bad

the chart above shows a few examples of Judd Apatow's signature plot trajectory: life starts going well for the guy, things are getting really good, things get really shitty, and then they get better, usually at a wedding. Apatow keeps cantering it out, despite the fact that it each time underdelivers on what the audience wants. So here's me asking Judd Apatow to stop forcing his movies into outfits that they don't fit.

We watch Apatow's movies to laugh at ppl telling mad funny jokes. We don't come for hard thought; for that, we have Rust & Bone. Not Rogen & Boner jokes. 

So why does Judd Apatow insist on forcing 15 minutes of controversy and breakups into the tail end of his films?

It's frustrating. It's like Michael Jordan sitting out the third quarter to give the fans tax advice.

i realize that there's pressure to movie-ify the stories; to fit 40 year old virgins into the molds that we're used to. but we need to know that structures are only valuable insofar as they help tell the story. the goal should never be for the story to help tell the structure.  

So let's just be who we are: if we are really good at making people laugh, let's just make people laugh. Save the break-up scene for another time. Don't make the guy choose between his girlfriend and his stoner friends. Skip the dip this time.

PS some other examples:

Nathan: 40 year old. they breakup. they get back together.

Victor: bridesmaids. they get mad at each other. then they get unmad at the wedding.

Nathan: superbad? dont they end their friendship at each other. then come back together at the end?

Victor: yea i feel like that lasts for a while too though

Victor: forgetting sarah marshall had a pretty bad one

Victor: dude turns down his ex while theyre fooling around because he likes mila munis

Victor: and she finds out that they kissed and freaks out

Nathan: milaK? 

Victor: yea

Victor: and they break up

Nathan: then they get back together?

Victor: and then they get back together when she realizes etc

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cause they say sitting 8 hrs a day is as bad for you as smoking

the next herman miller aeron chair.

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i didn't know Obama was in End of Watch

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the plot of the Dark Knight Rises via... Adam West?

Holy upcycling, Batman; i guess we know which episode of old Adam West's batman is Christopher Nolan's favorite... but who gets rid of the bomb better, West or Bale?

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vertical position, valence, and why a new shirt with the same pants counts as a new outfit

More often, I define a new outfit as a new shirt, with the same jeans and same shoes. But why when over half of the outfit is staying the same do I feel comfortable reintroducing myself as having "went home and changed"? Likely, for the same reason that maps have conditioned us to think that northern hemisphere is more valuable than the southern.

See the map above? You might have noticed it before on the dorm room walls of the hippy constructivist club. It's bizarro world, kind of. Up is down, left is right. It's the map of the world that we're used to seeing, flipped on its head.  

And it gets some of us pretty riled up; because the map impacts our perceptions. 

Turns out that we tend to perceive things positioned on top as more valuable than something positioned on the bottom; like, a bag of chips on the top shelf looks yummier than that same bag on the bottom shelf (read more).

So in orienting the map as north-up (which is just as correct/wrong as south-up), we are conditioning ourselves to think of north > south.

And the same can be said of getting dressed. 

A different shirt is a new outfit because the shirt is on top. And what's on top is more important. 

Which is also why members of the constructivist club don't wash their hair.

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Your post office, tomorrow

Grandma sent you a package? It's an .stl file ready to be spit out of the USPS' 3D printer. Have a letter to pick up? Log into your email on the community macbook.

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