Friday, October 15, 2010

How Adam Carolla is similar to Walmart

I’ve got some thoughts on this Walmart story breakin loose yesterday. You know: about the chain's Food Rebel worthy sustainability initiative focused on sourcing mad local goods and hooking up small and medium sized farmers.

Damn this is getting confusing.

What are we supposed to think when the evil empire makes a kind gesture? I know that we are all supposed to hate Walmart but they keep doing these socially responsible things like first puttin up solar pannels, then throwing parades for small farmers, etc., (givin us 20 cents off rollbacks on captain crunch!). This is like in ROTJ when Darth Vader is juust about to turn good and stop the Emperor from torturing Luke but hasn’t yet, and even though he is wearing his full coverage Vader mask we still feel like we can see the emotional turmoil beneath.

Luckily for us over here at rebellion radio, Adam Carolla of man show, loveline and having overly bushy eyebrows fame, can help us clarify this whole situation.

I was listening to his podcast the other day – I used to listen to political podcasts but why learn when you can laugh – and the Ace man was talking about how the women in his Carolla lineage all hate their fathers and that he is seeing the first signs of the blood-hate blood-trait in his 4 year old daughter. He said that his goal was that if she was going to hate him, he wasn’t going to give her any evidence to support her position; if she was going to be in therapy (with Dr. Drew) later in life straight hating her dad, Adam wanted her to be saying “I don’t like my dad… I don’t know why: he was a good enough guy, but I just don’t like him.”

Because I guess that’s all he can do. I feel like this is what the Walmart execs/PR department has gotta be saying these days too:

“Fuck it, they may not ever like us – but we aren’t going to give them any evidence: commence primary ignition on the sustainability initiatives.”

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