Thursday, April 1, 2010

Our grandchildren will have mad unprofessional gmail addresses

When applying to jobs and following up on leads like I’m a monster.com employed jack bauer, I am careful to use my name based email address, rather than my alternate: tuffgong420@gmail.com. In the originality-starved realm of name derived addresses, some go for the first.last, while others go first letter of first name, and then last: like barry bonds might have bbonds@conservingpower.com. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how much better the world would be if Brett Oobs used this format too. Whatever variation you choose, name based addresses will always trump allusion based addresses in terms of professionalism.

It’s troubling though, because as more and more people hook up their namely gmail accounts, the harder it gets for our future generations to do the same. Fastforward - not flashforward - through 50 years of gmail subscriptions, there is no way that a “Michael Brown” gets mbrown, or michaelbrown or Michael.h.brown, etc.. (aside: dvd’s flash-forward, vhs’s fastforward. Fastforwarding is a dead activity). Down the road, kids will either have to include hella numbers, or use allusion based names like beachgirl102.

That’s why I’m coming up with baby names right now - and every time I think of a good one I lockdown the corresponding email. Because of my foresight, my family tree is going to have more options than an Urban Meyer offense.

Consider how professional my descendants are going to look. It’s going to be the new kind of “head start in life”. “Maybe your fam was well-to-do and was able to pay for your private education, but my granddad left us first.last email addresses to choose from and I’m taking that shit to the house.”

I wonder if down the road the scarcity of name addresses will spawn a secondary market for acquiring emails: “yo 50 dollars for mbrown@gmail”, “$2 for mbrown@aol”.

1 comment:

zach gerstein said...
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