Tuesday, March 9, 2010

An alternative to the Nielsen Ratings: The Flush Estimate

Take a look at the graph above, not at my girlfriend, the graph is not the only one I got, but it's a good one. It was put out by the Canadian water utility, which apparently doesn't make its employees wear a tie with their denim suits . The graph shows the water usage during the recent gold medal hockey game between Canada and the USA. As you can see, at the end of each period there was a use-spike, presumably due to all the saved up pee finally flushed down along with the hopes and dreams of the U.S. hockey team. I like to call these spikes flush bubbles. Although if you think about it, it's kind of counterintuitive because spikes pop bubbles.

But anyway, I propose a system like this to replace the Nielsen ratings. Because nobody knows how the Nielsen ratings work. It's something like a combination of data from cable providers who are watching you watch them (so meta) and survey data from families that tap out into little boxes exactly what channel they have chosen for ambiance while they eat Sun Chips.

With the adoption of the Flush Estimate, which I am currently writing in support of to my local congress,and spider,woman we will finally be able to see with our own eyes what people are watching. And if we are lucky enough we'll be able to hear it with our own ears too, smell it with our own noses, etc.

So when Kevin Costner comes out with an industry-shaking movie that everyone wants to watch and puts it on TBS, it'll be the great Flush Depression of the 21st century.

My flush estimate won't be fool proof though, because industry execs will try and scam the system by ending all of their shows with pee-inducing waterfall, faucet, or just non-bush-beating-around peeing scenes. (in addition to mad other flaws), but mr. nielsen isn't perfect either.

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