Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Who is clicking on Adsense ads? Clickers or Twitchers?

If you're anything like me you can't remember the last time you clicked on one of those Google Adsense advertisements shadowing you on your tours through the web. They're off-point and untrustworthy. I'd say that one of the larger mysteries of our day is the question of who are the people that actually click on these baits? It is a very important question, as entire industries are based on generating revenue from Adsense advertisements. And people do click - sources put the Adsense click-through rate anywhere from 1% to 10%. But who would click? Who, when reading a sports article, could possibly be interested in buying golf clubs in bulk? And worse, we believe that 10% of the readers are interested? "hell nah, are you for real?". I have a theory that can clear up some of the Adsense non-sense - it's good, it's scientific, and it's all about this shit called myoclonus.

Myoclonus, which can be caused by ALS or epilepsy but is also common in the healthy, is an involuntary muscle twitch or spasm. Y'all 'ready know what it is; it's when you are falling asleep, hanging, (relaxing all cool, or shooting some bball while swimmin in the pool) and some random, previously at ease muscle twitches the shit out of itself. Studies have shown that myoclonus occurs in 10% of people regularly, 80% occasionally, and 10% rarely.

These statistics suggest that while surfing the rollicking waves of the web 10% of us are spasming regularly, and 80% are spasming casually, which helps explain the illogically high Adsense click-through rates - a lot of those people didn't click (!!), they just spasmed while their mouse was hovering over the ad link. By my rough and generous calculations, when only considering random spasms the click through rate would be .5%, which assuming the total CTR is 3% means that spasms should be thanked for 16.67% of the total clicks on the internet.

Now, how do we use this information to our advantage. It's been shown that flashing lights induce myoclonus. So advertisers, tell your managers that you have a new idea and that it's gonna be big. Suggest a new web look: flashing black and white lights all over your site. Then, sit back and watch the money pile up.

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